Yes, my sentence has been issued and if I look at the bright side I have 54 days of blissful togetherness before the true solitude sets in. Sadness, tears, and that feeling in your gut of being punched internally over and over again. So is the life of me, the navy wife. Anyone looking in can easily say, “well you chose this life, knowing full well what you were signing up for, so don’t go crying about it.” Well you are right. I knew everything about being a Navy wife when I signed up, my father was a chief in the Navy, so I grew up in this life. I used to be that person looking in at Navy wives thinking exactly that, you signed up for this, don’t complain now. Oh how that perspective changed!!
It is not until you say “I Do” that you really understand that you have married two men. One, I fondly call ‘Muffin’, is your loving husband, father to your children, provider to your family, man who stole your heart. The other, we’ll refer to him as ‘Sir’, is a rank in the Navy, slave to his command, freedom fighter who is committed to our country first and foremost. Together they make your husband, and you love and respect and admire him. When you get that phone call or email or have that conversation and he says “I’m sorry Honey, I’m not coming home” you understand that yes, I am a spouse to the US Navy. The US Navy that I married gets to decide if he can be home for our child’s birthday, Holidays, anniversaries, vacations, school plays, all the ‘firsts’ that parents want to share together. You know that your Muffin is hurting knowing that he cannot be there for these milestones in our lives together, so you keep it together for him. You make it all okay and help explain to the kids that our country needs Daddy’s time and that we will catch it all on video and take a million pictures. That when Daddy does come home, we will spend the entire day reliving every missed moment while he was away. You tell yourself to be grateful for the time that you have had and will have together. You don’t let him see you cry, keep it together, don’t fall apart. You have to be strong for him and for your family. Let him know you can handle this and its all going to be okay. Then the door closes and locks and you let go.
It is then that we, as military wives, accept our sentence to solitary confinement. We know that during this time keeping the house together and keeping our lives running smoothly is our responsibility. We have to make sure the car is serviced, know how to fix the broken appliance, open and close the pool, make sure the bills are all paid, keep everyone on their schedules, do all the chores, care for the lawn, and of course, take some time to take care of ourselves too. We are always looking forward to the days/weeks/months that our Muffin will be home. Knowing better than most that time can be taken away and is more valuable than all the money in the world. We take advantage of every second with our Muffin like its the last penny we have, and we must spend it wisely. Then when our sentence begins we cherish every email, every Facebook post, every phone call or Skype that we are allowed. This is our Solitary Confinement, this is proof that we meant it when we said “I Do”.
To my fellow military wives, find solace that we are in this together, and although it might feel lonely at times, we are never alone at all. To my friends, thank you for your continued support of us at home and our husbands abroad. To my family, thank you so much for letting me cry, sharing in my grief, and helping me find my smile. And to my husband, and all our military, Thank You For Your Service. I love and admire you all, you are my Hero.